Do you know anyone who is addicted to falling in love? You know the type, staying in a relationship only as long as those initial ‘crush’ feelings exist. As soon as reality hits (and your partner’s quirky habits start being slightly annoying rather than endearing), it’s bye-bye blackbird and on to greener pastures. Many who fall into this pattern complain that it must not have been the real thing, that if only they could find that special person who could elicit that out-of-control infatuation, nothing-else-on-the-brain-but-you feeling that lasts longer than, say, 6 months. These are the skeptics who, after several ‘failed’ short-term relationships, often say that true, lasting, forever love must be just a fairy-tale, that it doesn’t exist in reality at all. It’s just hormones and lust, then it’s gone. Sound familiar?
While I do agree that the initial endorphin rush of budding love is temporary, I’d like to propose (pun intended) that this ‘crush’ stage isn’t ultimate love we’re feeling. As Gary Chapman says in ‘The Five Love Languages,’ it’s just the introduction to the book of Love. It’s a jumpstart to the potential of lasting love; sometimes we choose to commit to the whole book, other times we decline. The key, though, is now love becomes a choice. It’s not something that happens to us; rather we choose to love our mates. I like this concept, that my partner made a conscious decision to love me, to spend his life with me, rather than it being purely hormonal or something out of his control. What an incredible thing, huh?!
And that doesn’t have to mean that the fire goes out, after the crush. I think this is where a lot of couples get lost. They assume that if they make that choice to create a long-term love relationship, they have turned away from ever feeling that fiery rush of passion again. Ever wonder why affairs are so common? It’s that rush that people desire, that excitement. Why do couples let their fire go out? We have this huge blazing bonfire to start out with, then when it calms down to a slightly slower burn we throw water on it, drowning it in our mundane lives of bills, daily commutes and in-laws. Why not tend it, feed it, enjoy its warmth and glow, and sometimes throw a little lighter fluid on it and let it blaze high for a bit? It’s much easier to keep an existing fire going than start one from scratch, as any good girl scout knows!
So how do we keep the fire going? There are tons of books, websites and resources dedicated to keeping romance alive; our Date Night Ideas and weekly Extra Mile Challenge are good examples. I think the key is our intention, though. Do you still view your partner as a sexy, interesting individual? Even more important, do you see that in yourself? Start doing some of the little things you used to do, way back at the beginning of your relationship, both for your partner and yourself. Break out the sexy underwear again (how does wearing it make you feel?), send your partner a random text message telling her you can’t stop thinking about her. Pay attention to your mate. Flirt with each other! I know there are other distractions that take your energy, but if tending your fire is important to you (it is, isn’t it?), trust me, you can find the time. And it doesn’t have to take a huge amount of time or energy. Sam recently started leaving me occasional random sticky-notes with love messages around the house (on my day planner, computer screen, etc.) This is something he used to do when we first got together. Not only are they warm-fuzzy reminders of how much he loves me (and why I love him!), they also take me back to that time when our love was new and blazing, feeding that fire yet again… Small, frequent, regular fueling is the key to keeping it maintained. And when you can, kick it up a notch with that lighter fluid 
Yours in Sacred Love,
Julie
PS – For additional ideas on keeping your fire stoked, check out the articles, tips, workshops and resources on our website.